{Blank Subject May 04, 2009}

Marilee Worrell

{Blank Subject May 04, 2009}
Mike,



I know my responses to you have been less that you hoped for.



Everything you tell me about the situation there is a parallel for here.
Everyone who means anything to me has been called vile names and trashed
- without exception. I have been told that what I had to say does not
matter, told to shut up, and threatened. People I care about have been
talked to and about in ways that make me hang my head in embarrassment
for you and them. When I get in the car with you it's cussing and road
rage from start to destination, making traveling with you very
unpleasant and even scary. I spend hours working on things for you only
to be told I put the kids first and ignore you. Every flat surface in
the house has something piled on it. Every time I start to do anything
hang a picture, wash a wall, clean out a closet, pick my nose I have to
justify and explain my actions. Like the bedroom door, I told you I
enjoyed stripping it - you did everything in your power to keep me from
working on it.



During intimate times it is whatever floats you boat even if I have told
you time and again that it doesn't work for me. You tell me I don't talk
- when I do it is not what you want to hear, I am pressured to say what
you want, if I do give you a name then I'm badgered for days, weeks, and
months to make contact. It's just become easier to avoid putting myself
in the situation.



You say you are changing and I'm thinking seeing is believing. Usually
you just suppress whatever it is you want to say or do until the heat is
off, become Mr. Superniceguy then blow when the coast is clear. You seem
to think flowers or a trinket will make all the hurt, hurtful words, and
anger go away. The chameleon act has me wanting to ask 'Will the real
Mike Loudermilk please stand up' and thinking that the caring,
emotional, and sweet man I thought I married was just an act until you
got the piece of paper tying me legally. I also feel your prime
motivation for going was to get the woodworking equipment and not Joe.



Last time I told you to go to hell you told me you were married to it. I
do believe you meant that mostly because you have never shone any regret
for any hurtful act physical or emotional. When you thought you were on
your death bed right before surgery you did not feel the need to
apologize to anyone except Doris. Bri did not buy the apology I forced
you into making even she knew it wasn't from the heart. I have no reason
to think anything has changed except you really want out of that
situation and perhaps appreciate the comfort of your home a little more.




I have enjoyed having a life again without having every minute of my
time orchestrated by someone else. I appreciate and thank you for the
things you have accomplished with Joe. I believe our life will pick up
right where it left off and I'm not looking forward to that. I don't
feel close to you, I don't trust you much less feel good about being
intimate with you. I don't believe you words of love. I told you I
wouldn't divorce you while you were gone and I won't, but don't expect
to come home to a hero's welcome.



Mari Lee


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